I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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