I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You pole danced in your parka.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
