Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
