I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
