is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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