Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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