I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
