nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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