Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
