super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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