Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
