I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
