Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
