how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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