they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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