well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
