So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
