just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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