why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
