I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize