note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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