you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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