Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
