you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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