U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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