GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
