There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
false alarm, still single
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
