No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
