He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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