My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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