I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
