y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
