You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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