I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
