Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
