All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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