How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
