I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize