meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
