I think i sorta joined a cult last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
