Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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