I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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