don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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