OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
