i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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