I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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