so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
one might say we're banned from that church
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
