Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
