discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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