Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
