I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
