I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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