So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want to make a zoo with you.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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