she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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