Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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