Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize