party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize