I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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