great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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