thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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