Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
