She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
