it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
