i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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