sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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