One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
A+ Viking dick
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
