I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
