She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
