K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
