why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
