onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
