you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
