Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
