I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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