You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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