Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
